A local man, Vince Osgood, who turned 49 on the Opening Day of the NCAA Football Season, has taken his Smack Talk to a new level for the 2010 season.
“I’ve always been a good fan, but this year I’ve really been in a Zone,” says Vince. “I’ve managed to find a fan of almost every team in the NCAA and talk some serious trash to them about how much their team sucks and what assholes they are for being fans.” When asked about possibly insulting or alienating these people Vince takes his Air Horn out of his back pocket and says “Bite me numb nuts, this is College Football baybee!” He then blasted the Air Horn in this reporter’s face and raised his index finger in the air while nodding his head vigorously.
Vince has also added Trash Talk about the Ranking systems used in College Football to determine Bowl Games. “Anyone can talk shit about a #1 getting knocked off or something basic like that,” says Vince as he hunches over his yellow note pad full of brackets and drawings of team mascots in various sexual positions. “What I’ve done is find the names of every writer, coach and computer programmer involved in the various polls as well as their mother’s and sister’s names and write a new piece in my blog about them every damn day!”
Vince, who has a Bachelor’s Degree in Hotel and Restaurant Management with a 2.6 GPA from the University of Kalamazoo has never played organized sports. His passion comes from a higher source; his Uncle Ralph. “Ralph was a major source of inspiration to me, may he rest in peace.” Ralph Franklin died of an apoplectic hemorrhage at age 56 while doing Cannonballs at a Fraternity brother’s house during the Fiesta Bowl. He was buried in his Wolverines jersey although he never graduated from college.
Vince is currently working on a Child’s Mobile for his sister Karen who is expecting her first child sometime around the Sugar Bowl. “I’ve got the mascot for every team in her team’s conference except hers,” he says with glee. “She’s gonna freakin go apeshit!”
Vince, who is divorced and not currently dating anyone is also writing a book he plans to self publish as a PDF document. “I fix everything wrong with College Football in this book,” cries Vince. “Those money-grubbing assholes at NCAA are gonna know the name of Vince Osgood, I’ll tell you that much. Hey, are you a freakin Bulldog?! You better fuckin not be.”
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