There’s nothing quite like growing a beard, at least in my experience, that opens the door for other people to tell you what they’d like you to do. People suddenly feel free to offer their opinions, pervasive as those are, on whether I should grow it at all, how it makes me look, and what length or style they think I should aspire to.
Due to programming by my mother, Catholic School, and the military, my initial reaction is usually to feel as if I’m wrong, and I should either comply or explain myself. This gets exhausting and fortunately, over the years, I’ve been able to reprogram that particular bit of software in my necktop. What I haven’t quite gotten right yet, or to maintain consistency in my metaphor, I haven’t quite found the right app to download to my necktop yet, is how to respond.
I used to use a lot of rhetorical questions in my responses to statements I took issue with. I would rephrase the person’s position in the form of a question, essentially attempting to demonstrate how absurd their position is and getting them to acknowledge it as well. I’ve not had many satisfactory encounters with this technique. I try to use less questions now and instead, make declarative statements clearly objecting to their point of view. I do find this a more successful process, however it doesn’t quite work as intended with people I interact with more than once. For them, I need something that will deal with the issue in the moment, but also have a lasting impact so I don’t have to keep dealing with it.
Some of the ideas I’m toying with in response to statements like; “I like you better without a beard.”
- I like you better without the extra 20 lbs you’re carrying.
- I’d like you better if you shaved your head (to a man) or I’d like you better with short bangs (to a woman).
- We’ll get to my beard in a minute, but first let’s talk about how I’d like you better.
“You should trim it short; it would look so nice.”
- You should try eating less; you would look so nice.
- You should dye all that grey hair; it would look so nice.
- You should buy a new wardrobe; it would look so nice.
“I don’t like beards.”
- I don’t like you.
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