I awoke several times from a deep sleep with what felt like my left leg being sawed off. As the song says, the thigh bone’s connected to the hip bone, and it is that spot that ached and throbbed until I rose to consciousness out of some dreamscape I can no longer remember. It hurts to the touch and I have started considering that it may be more than a muscular strain. Thankfully, the Mayo Clinic offers this reassuring diagnosis:
“Hip pain on the outside of your hip, upper thigh or outer buttock is usually caused by problems with muscles, ligaments, tendons and other soft tissues that surround your hip joint.”
That’s quite the relief as I was mentally preparing myself to be X-Rayed and told that I have arthritis, or have worn away the cartilage in the joint, or have bone spurs or other ghastly condition that won’t just go away with rest. But as I rolled around in pain trying to find a position that would allow me to get back to sleep, it became fairly clear to me that I cannot go on in this manner. Lifting heavy things is fun, the challenge makes life more meaningful, a goal of competitive athleticism provides something to strive for and look forward to. But walking around in pain, feeling like I may permanently damage something important like a leg, hip, shoulder or spine at any moment, is just not worth it anymore.
As much as I’ve tried, and dammit I have tried, I am not strong enough to be competitive in my age group and weight class. I’ve pushed myself as hard as I can, and maybe a bit beyond, only to make very modest improvements, which while personally satisfying, still don’t bring me closer to being objectively competitive.
Today, I decided to go full gym bro. I did not “train,” I worked out. I lifted some weights to get a little pump and maybe, just possibly, coax a tiny bit of hypertrophy out of my undersized body. It wasn’t particularly interesting, and there were no moments of exhilaration, but it physically felt good and I did do my damndest to create the elusive mind-muscle connection and try to focus the actual muscles doing the movement. It went something like this:
Touch and Go Bench Press
- 160×10
- 162×9
Body weight Dips
- 2 sets of 11
Cable Crossover
- 1 set of 14
Lateral raise (yes, freakin dumbbell lateral raises)
- 4 sets of 10-12
Tricep pressdowns and overhead rope extensions
- 5 total sets of reps
The good news of the day is that my bicep tendon has finally settled down. I didn’t even feel it while bench pressing, and I only felt a tiny twinge in there somewhere during the first few reps of Dips. Considering how fired up it was, where even gripping the barbell hurt, there is cause for celebration.
While I have quit powerlifting before, only to return for more failed attempts, I think this is really it. It’s a great sport and I would love to continue to participate in it, but at 54 years old, it seems a foolhardy pursuit down a path of pain and discomfort. Honestly even pursuing hypertrophy seems pointless, but I have to chase something. And who knows, with my improved education on the mechanisms for hypertrophy, I can keep driving up the volume through either a few more reps, a little more weight, an extra set here and there or an extra day’s training thrown in. Time will tell.
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